Twelve Days Of Christmas
Twelve Days Of Christmas
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.
With dearest love and affection,
Agnes
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December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
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December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such
generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must
insist....
you're just too kind.
Love,
Agnes
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December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They
are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being
too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
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December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on
my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
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December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those
geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially,
Agnes
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December 20th
John:
What's with you and those birds???? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
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December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight
maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight
maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is
poop all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just
lay off me. .
Ag
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December 22nd
Hey:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And do they play!
They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here
yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over
those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get
yours.
From Ag
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December 23rd
You Creep!
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them
ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My
living room is a river of poop. The commissioner of buildings has
subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be
condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it,
Ag
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December 24th
Listen Idiot:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the birds are
dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Miss Agnes McCallister
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December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers
fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss
Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All
correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants
have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please
find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Merry Christmas
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Added: 06-Oct-2008
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